I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how to express my feelings regarding Liam Payne’s passing. While I didn’t know him personally, I grew up with him and the other members of One Direction—Niall, Harry, Louis, and Zayn.
I was just 15 when One Direction formed in 2010. I vividly remember Saturday nights spent watching The X Factor, captivated by what I initially thought was a beautiful combination of voices. Looking back, they may not have been the strongest vocalists, but there was always something special about them that made them feel relatable. They were just a group of boys chasing their dreams, coming from working-class backgrounds.
I would spend hours watching the One Direction video diaries, where they shared their quirky personalities while sitting on the stairs. I adored the animations The Adventurous Adventures of One Direction and collected every piece of merchandise I could find—pens, pencils, rulers, t-shirts, bedding, calendars, and even the One Direction board game. While some people mocked fans of One Direction, it was never something I felt ashamed of. I could easily rattle off their birthdays or share that “Liam was afraid of spoons!” My connection to One Direction also opened up a world online, allowing me to connect with others who shared the same passion. The community they built was nothing short of spectacular.
One of my first jobs even paid for tickets to One Direction concerts, where my sister and I bonded over our love for each band member—though we each had our favourites. The beauty of One Direction lay in their diversity; each member brought something different to the table, creating a space where everyone could find someone to relate to.
It’s hard to believe that One Direction was only together for five years. The impact they made during that time is immense. They released five albums while touring worldwide—a staggering achievement. In hindsight, while I yearned for new music, I realise now that I would have been content to wait if it meant alleviating the pressures they faced.
The formation of One Direction and their meteoric rise to fame actually inspired my own journey with Music and Gigs. If a group of British boys could chase their dreams and succeed, why couldn’t I? While Music and Gigs didn’t launch until 2017, I was fortunate enough to photograph Niall and Liam at their respective gigs—truly a pinch-me moment for my 15-year-old self!
As we all grew older, many of us had to shift our focus to real-world responsibilities—adult jobs, marriages, children, and homes. Meanwhile, new fans emerged, some of whom didn’t even know about One Direction. This reality is still hard for me to grasp. Yet, in the wake of Liam’s tragic passing, it has been heartwarming to see fans come together, creating memorials around the world and sharing their feelings of loss. It’s a strange experience to grieve someone you didn’t know personally, but the online community once again provides a safe space for Directioners to mourn collectively.
As details of Liam’s struggles came to light, I realised the importance of understanding the bigger picture. This was a young man who had been locked in hotel rooms since his teenage years, often surrounded by the wrong people, grappling with challenges like many of us do. Looking back at older interviews with the context of his struggles reveals how much he desired help. We often lack the full context of celebrities’ lives, which is why it’s crucial to approach these situations with kindness and compassion.
The world was not kind to Liam, and even in death, it’s appalling to think that some would share images of his lifeless body. Have we truly moved so far away from humanity?
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, I encourage you to reach out for help. In the UK, you can contact Samaritans NZ, Samaritans US, Samaritans UK for support. Alternatively, Mind provides resources and assistance for anyone facing mental health challenges.
I want to take a moment to thank Liam and the One Direction boys for creating a fandom that has shaped many of us into who we are today. My heart goes out to Liam’s family, friends, his little bear, and all my fellow directioners who have been impacted by this.
